Rinse
by Magic Star1
Summary: The unforseen consequences of a spell force Phoebe to look at the best and worst of her life. Will she find the strength to forgive and move on?
1. Look Before You Leap

Rinse  
  
Spoilers: Season five, up to "Cat House."  
  
Disclaimer: Any characters you may recognize from the WB's "Charmed" don't belong to me; they were created by Connie Burge and belong to Charmed Productions. I have no money, so please don't sue me.  
  
Notes: Rated PG-13 for language that will occur in later chapters. The title of this story came from the song "Rinse" by Vanessa Carlton, on her "Be Not Nobody" CD. I was listening to that CD while working on this, and thought the lyrics to it really fit Phoebe. You can find them at   
Paige took one last peek at the happy couple embracing on the couch before scooting back out of the room. "I think three sisters is a crowd," she whispered. "Want to raid the fridge with me? I don't think that they'll be joining us anytime soon."  
  
Phoebe stifled a yawn. "Actually, I'm beat. I'm going to head up to bed early."  
  
"Oh!" Her younger sister nodded knowingly. "I get it. You want to be all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for your date with Jason tomorrow," she teased, then laughed when a blush spread across Phoebe's face. "I'm kidding. See you in the morning."  
  
"Sweet dreams." With a last smile for her sister, she headed up the stairs, fully intending to put on her pajamas and go to bed. Paige had been partially right; she did was to look nice tomorrow. Jason was....well, Jason. She wanted it to work out, she really did. After so long, it finalyl felt like her life was back on track; like the door was closed to her past.  
  
Then something caught her eye. A piece of paper was laying on the floor just outside of Piper and Leo's closed door. She picked it up, frowning as she recognized Piper's familiar handwriting. It looked like a rught draft of a spell, but for what?  
  
"Let the truth be told," she murmured, "let our lives unfold, so we can relive our memories and stop being enemies."  
  
Suddenly, the hallway around her seemed to spin. She frantically dropped the paper and tried to grab onto something, anything, that would keep her in one place. I just never learn, do I?! was her last thought before she found herself standing in front of the Manor, drenched in rain. What was this, a time loop?  
  
"Long time no see."  
  
She jumped and spun around when she heard the familiar voice, unable to believe who was standing there in the rain. "You've got to be kidding me." 


	2. Surprise!

Chapter Two  
  
"You unbelievable bastard!" she snarled. Furious, she did the first thing that came to mind; stalked up to the intruder and hit him as hard as she could. "Was this your idea, huh? Another one of your twisted games?!"  
  
"Nice to know you missed me as much as I missed you," Cole said sarcastically, rubbing his jaw where her punch had landed.  
  
"Apparently, a bit too much!" she snapped. "God, why couldn't you just stay where you belonged for once?"  
  
"I am."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me. I am not buying the 'soulmates' crap from you any more."  
  
"Phoebe, I'm telling the truth." He shrugged and looked around the neighborhood he'd once lived in...with her. "I'm dead."  
  
A cold chill ran down her spine, because he looked live enough to her. "You're what?"  
  
"Don't look so surprised. I mean it happened what, two, three months ago? As for the spell, Piper wrote it."  
  
"She...she what? Why would she do that?"  
  
"Well, she didn't mean it for you, obviously. It was the spell she used to go back through her and Leo's memories."  
  
"Oh, I see what you're doing now. Well, you're crazy if you think reliving *our* past will convince me to--"  
  
"Save your breath." She glared at him and he laughed. "You and that one track mind again. I'm not here to get you back, Phoebe. I'm just your...tour guide, so to speak. And this isn't *our* past."  
  
"What the hell is going on? No, nevermind, I'll just go up to the attic and make sure you stay gone this time. Ghosts aren't invincible." Turning, she stalked back up the steps. Maybe she was being unfair, or hallucinating, but she just had to get inside where it was warm and dry and maybe things would start to make sense. But Cole followed her up the steps. Sighing, she turned to face him. "What are you doing? You don't live here anymore."  
  
He laughed again, but this time it was humorless. "And haven't for nearly a year, now. But actually....you don't live here yet, either." She reached for the door handle, then gasped in shock when her hand went right through it. She tried again, getting the same result. "Relax. Nobody can see or hear us. All we are here is a couple of bystanders." Before she could react, he'd taken her hand and pulled her through the door. *Through* the door.  
  
And she couldn't believe who was standing in front of her.  
  
"Thanks for sharing," the woman was saying sarcastically. "When does she arrive?"  
  
"Prue?" she whispered in disbelief. "That's...what..."  
  
But just then, behind her, the door swung open. she turned around to face the newcomer, and nearly collapsed from the shock.  
  
"I don't believe it. That's me." 


	3. Back To The Past

Thanks so much for the reviews, they've got my muse going overtime on this already. Sorry the chapters are short, but usually that's all I have time to do regularly.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"Surprise! I found the hide-a-key."  
  
The younger Phoebe walked into Piper's welcoming embrace, doing her best to ignore Prue's anger, hoping that things would be okay in time. The older Phoebe knew, because she'd been there. She remembered coming home.  
  
Shocked speechless, she staggered backwards, flincing when she bumped into Cole as if she'd been shocked. She turned around almost fearfully. "You bastard. What did you do?" But there was no anger behind the words.  
  
Cole shrugged. "You know how the spell works. It pulled you back. We're seeing your past."  
  
"So...it really wasn't you who did this?"  
  
"I thought we'd been through that."  
  
"...all that you brought?" Prue was asking.  
  
"That's all that I own, and a bike. Look, I know that you don't want me here--"  
  
"We're not selling Grams' house."  
  
"Is that why you think I came back?"  
  
"Look, the only reason Piper and I gave up our apartment and moved back here because this house has been in our family for generations."  
  
"No history lesson needed. I grew up here too. So can we talk about what's really bothering you?"  
  
"No, I'm still furious with you."  
  
"I remember," Phoebe whispered. "I remember she was so mad at me, she thought I betrayed her, but I never...." She trailed off when she realized Cole was watching her with interest. Okay, so maybe he wasn't responsible for this little...joyride, but that didn't mean he was entitled to hear her every thought.  
  
"Keep talking," he encouraged.  
  
"I don't have to tell you how I feel anymore," she snapped.  
  
He shrugged again. "Fair enough. Come on, there's something we've got to see."  
  
And then she was watching as her younger self blew the dust off the top of the ancient book and lifted the cover open. A chill went up her spine. Even five years later, she remembered every word of the first spell she'd cast. "Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night, the oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought. In this night and in this hour, I'll call upon the ancient power, bring your powers to we sisters three, we want the power, give us the power."  
  
"They were so mad," she remembered, forgetting for a moment that she didn't want Cole to know what she was thinking anymore. "No, not really mad, more like shocked. They just wanted to be normal."  
  
"And you didn't." Phoebe shook her head. "Why?"  
  
"I don't know. I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want some boring life. God, I wish I'd never read that stupid book!"  
  
"Why, after all the good you've done?"  
  
"Because then I would have had a normal life."  
  
His eyebrows went up. "I thought you said you didn't want to be normal and boring."  
  
"That was before. Before everything we went through for the 'greater good.' Before we lost Prue. Before..." Before I lost you, she almost said, but stopped herself. "A boring life seems fine by comparison."  
  
"But what about all the people you and your sisters have saved? What about Paige, and Wyatt?"  
  
"How do you know about Wyatt?"  
  
A smile played across his face. "I always keep an eye out for you. Let's just say I wanted to finally see my....uh, nemesis." But then he grew serious again. "Isn't the pain worth it? Phoebe?" He tilted her chin back so he could look into her eyes. "Isn't it?" 


	4. People From the Past

I meant to include a huge thank you to my friend Melanie and to the gang who post the episode summaries at before the first chapter. I haven't been watching Charmed as...err....dilligently as I used to, and they've helped fill in some of the details about the more recent episodes for me. Better late than never...thank you, guys! And thanks to all who reviewed as well :-)  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Phoebe pulled away from him and crossed the attic, watching her younger self unconsciously hug the Book of Shadows to herself. "Maybe some of it," she finally admitted.  
  
"Only some of it? Come on, you love being a witch. You never seemed more..." He paused as if searching for the right word. "...alive to me then when you were out on a mission. Saving innocents mattered more to you than anything."  
  
"But we lose them," she whispered. "One wrong move, and we lose them."  
  
He offered her a gentle smile. "No one wins them all. I've come to realize that. There's a balance, of good and evil--"  
  
"What about that woman you killed? was she part of the balance?"  
  
Cole inhaled like he'd been slapped, but quietly responded, "Everyone is."  
  
"I'm sorry. That, uh...that wasn't fair. Cole, all I wanted to know was why?" It was suddenly very important. Months ago, it had been just another piece of evidence to brand him as evil, but now she wanted to know what had happened, if he really was, if he'd really deserved..."Why did you do it?"  
  
There was a long silence. Young Phoebe had already left the attic, going downstairs to a long night of strange, haunting dreams. "I don't know," Cole finally admitted. "I thought it would work, if I could just keep Paige out of the way...I wasn't thinking. I wasn't myself."  
  
"Neither was I."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I told you that....never mind. It's not important. So, the balance?"  
  
"You lose people. What about all the people who came back into your life because of magic?"  
  
"Like who?" Suddenly, she realized that it was light outside. "Time change?" Cole nodded. "Where are we? I mean...when?"  
  
"Why don't you find out for yourself?" He gestured at the attic door. Taking a deep breath, she opened it and immediately recognized the sound of a fight downstairs. Halfway down., she could see Prue and Piper holding her back, as two identical men writed in agony below them.  
  
"Daddy!"  
  
"It was right after he came back," she realized, watching the scene play out. "I was so scared...I thought we'd lose him. I thought he would die right in front of us. Prue was pissed that he came back," she remembered. "She didn't trust him. she thought he'd leave again. I was scared that he would, but I didn't want to believe that...I just wanted my father back."  
  
"You never had him. You never had a normal childhood like everyone else you knew probably did, and you wanted it. You were just like a little girl in some ways."  
  
"He made up for it, though. At least we knew that he loved us." She looked at Cole strangely. "How do you still know so much about me? I don't want you to, you know."  
  
He shrugged. "It's a gift. Well, maybe a blessing in disguise, at least. Come on, tour's not over yet."  
  
Suddenly, the room started to spin around her. Instinctively, she grabbed Cole's arm, hanging on for dear life as she was swept into another time. When her vision cleared, she was standing in a room full of people; it took her a moment to place it as Quake, where Piper had worked before buying P3. Sure enough, there she was, sitting at the counter. Suddenly, she realized that she was still hanging on to Cole's hand. She dropped it immediately, feeling her skin burn where it had touched him, and wanting no part of it. Instead, she turned her attention to...herself....Prue, and Piper.  
  
"You can't change people," she was telling Prue and Piper. "They have to change themselves."  
  
"So why did we come back to see this?" she asked Cole. "I don't remember--"  
  
"It's for you to figure out." He gestured across the room, and she turned to see someone she hadn't thought of in years. "Clay?"  
  
"Any chance you're gonna come back with me?" He was asking her younger self. She remembered now. She'd cared a lot about him at one point. She thought it was love, but it wasn't. Or at least, not the kind of love she'd shared with Cole before the Source, before everything had gone to hell.  
  
She shook her head. "No. This is my home now."  
  
"I know I lied to you about a lot of things. But one thing I never lied to you about was how much I care about you."  
  
"I know." She kissed him.  
  
"I guess I should be going. You know, I hope the next time we cross paths, I'll be the guy you always think you see." Clay turned and walked away from the younger her, presumably back to New York. She'd never heard from him again.  
  
"Cole, tell me why we're here. Don't tell me you really wanted to relive my past relationships."  
  
"I'm not picked where we go. Do you ever think about the women I knew before you?" She looked at him out of the corner of one eye. "I wasn't exactly a virgin when I met you." He looked slightly offended, and she giggled.  
  
"Come on, I'm not kidding. I don't...I don't think it was real love, not anymore. Why was it important?"  
  
"Real or not, you cared about him. and you gave him up, because you were a witch. It was the first time you lost someone."  
  
"I thought you told me the good balanced out the bad."  
  
"It does, but think about it. Did Piper ever have to completely give up on Leo? Did Prue even once have you and Piper telling her a relationship wouldn't work? Did Paige ever have to vanquish a boyfriend? You've been through all of that...and yet, you keep right on going. And that's why you are, without a doubt, the bravest person I know." He smiled at her. "And trust me, I've known a lot of people." 


End file.
